be patient. allow pain to come and leave. breathe through pain. listen to body. things will get better soon. health will come.
- m.
- p.
- p.
- d. m.
- w. h.
- m. h.
- f. h.
- a. r.
- k. m.
- t. h.
- c. k.
- l. j.
- c. d.
yesterday f. told me that they admire the way i work. it stuck with me. seeing that what you do is noticed by
people you barely even know; that is such an honourable feeling.
also really enjoyed spending time with w. again. it has been a happy time.
challenge: listen to music as quietly as possible while sensing as much as possible and without getting caught fare-dodging
daydreaming: f. and me. w., k. and f. about f. and me. s., s. and c. listening.
l. and me. l. and i don't even like each other. we fuck anyway. everyone about l. and me.
i end the session with a bad mood and listen to a 2010 heartbreak playlist on spotify before meeting p.
confession: i saw the trace you left on . i saw it almost right away, only a few days after you placed it. i go there again from time to time, hoping to find something new, a sign of life, a confession, maybe a secret love letter. of course you will not give me that, and of course the trace wasn't meant for me in the first place. i just found it coincidentally. i like to tell myself it was meant for me, anyway.
i thought today about the danish monarchy and then had to go back to work. how many cigarettes did the queen smoke a day?
i met k. again in b. yesterday. how strange it is to remember that some encounters are banal for one while striking the other to the core. wondering who thinks about me how much, (disproportion)
f. said that owning nothing has a lot to do with fear. i see that, but i also see s.
his idea: a list of all possessions
ifheayhsnxx estfoxxunxdax xxnotherwxxxo maxnalrexxx dady, hewolöfindxxxxejrsoxon.asw axwas xesoem asd he is,axxx.imxxx iss hixemv yyyxery much.aucht yyuallyxx,uakstillagra ifzjdat, bbvtrtg eahsin, infeilkk neez skmeoine asdf prefecasxx xcolodrzo perfexxvt asd h xxi xxm-
looked through so many mirrors yesterday. posture, attitude (haltung) reflection
d. and i found similarities in our stories. someone asked us if we were sisters. just as before.
told her that i feel weird about having my ego pushed by the thought of missing me (a bit from time to time, maybe).
then added that i don't aspire to overcome my ego anyway, but to be happy. (lol?)
still struggling to find words for s.; s. in every stroke, every line, every letter. every breath.
es muss nicht das ganze leben sein. es ist das ganze leben.
thought about writing "some day i will get there." how ironic
s. from p.
s. from f.
s. is found
s. is found
s. is found
s. is found
s. is found
in every stroke,
every line,
every letter.
(in every breath)
enter the c.c. house and you'll be -
thinking about SPECIMEN (the pointed shoe)
repeated -ly
thinking about s.
giving s. new meaning,
repeatedly trying to
151 kwh
addendum: i hope your dad can use my sock
[...] interruptions are disasters. to hold onto the "silver cord", that is the
observed a little girl in the metro today. our eyes met. instead of looking away, she
smiled at me. it was a deep beautiful smile, the kind that goes to the core, almost redeemed;
4th district still smells like you (LG gone mad)
just read through old chats with m. felt so much back then, left so much unsaid
i'm afraid of making myself vulnerable again, and yet it feels like it has to happen
(archival note: i bought this notebook already in 2021 and took it with me on four moves without ever using it.
a couple of weeks ago, i wrapped it in white baking paper because i thought it was ugly, then i started writing into it, but i only used
a few pages in the end. between the last pages, i put a small branch of forget-me-nots to be pressed. i found them
when i was walking down the longmorning. they were growing out of the neighbour's fence. when i was a child, i used
to pick forget-me-nots from the exact same spot to give them to m. she always seemed so happy about it.)
idea: wawwi guarded by securities
message from j. angry, hurt
motive understandable, accusations party inappropriate
how to handle?
->withdraw and no longer interfere
->talk to j.
->talk to the others
justification?
clarification?
what is the best way to find peace?
what gives me the most?
->no time, no energy
l.-stress over!
sleep and eat healthily, no phone, put phone away, put phone away
tomorrow morning
- pack things
- everything-shower
- eat
- archive
- read
need to make space to write and reflect without disturbance
where would i like to get c. from?
---------(m.y.f.)
---------(s.k.s.)
---------(f.a.y.)
---------(f.r.s.)
---------(w.o.k.)
---------(a.u.e.)
---------(a.c.s.)
wavering between x and y/z. maybe i shy away from y/z because i wouldn't know how to
accept his affection
w. ->talk or let go
m. ->hug
giving my best!!
you're gonna miss me too, you say
An Evocation (beschwörung) of Exuberance (ausgelassenheit). A positive overdose of woods, woody notes and synthetic wood constructions (Wood gone mad).
(how) can we protect what we are and yet open up our worlds?
birthday gift idea: amulet with nude picture
it's a bit difficult to stop what it's difficult to stop