t. moves out of my apartment to the opposite one in the patio. she doesn't want anything more to do with me. there is a
party i am not invited to, but i talk to people who go there while we're on a train together (something freaky with
waterslides?)
i end up flying around her windows to spy on her. the rooms are relatively empty and have curtains, artificial light and high ceilings.
i look at the artworks she is producing in there to find inspiration. i hide behind the walls to make sure she doesn't notice
me, but she does still.
had a restless night. i woke up at 6.30 and 7.30 because of the doves entering the apartment and flying through the cabinet. had to drive them away. i had troubles fallling asleep again because i was expecting the handyman to come at 8 for the wet ceiling. had a stressful dream of overhearing two handy(wo)men while listening to music. the second one i even met in a hallway that was supposed to be mine right before he left and went into the apartment on the other side of the street. it was karl lauterbach. a secretary called me to say i would have to pay a loss fee. i was very scared but it turned out to be only 15 euros per person. nontheless i started discussing with her.
flixbus ride was not as exhausting as expected. tried out my new sleep mask and these funky purple silicone ear plugs. i slept three more hours at home.
v. rented a hotel room for a birthday party. it ended in a big chaos, now he needs to pay 47000€ recovery of damages
sophie calle at summer academy (as a young woman). i missed an opportunity
(side note: i remembered when sophie from xxx talked about her time in the summer academy two years ago)
restless sleep. woke up by a noise m m m m m m m m m m m m m m m m m m m m m m m m m m m m m two minutes - neighbour downstairs, upstairs? neighbour fucking? pigeon on the windowsill? pigeon on the windowsill fucking? (no auditive traces of orgasm)
dreamt of burning down my place. i was the last one to see the mess before all of it was gone.
i dreamt of my apartment. the roof was leaking. it was raining from the ceiling.
i had a scary dream last night about p. and me escaping. m. appeared too in a way. she tried to help me, she was worried, and i was thankful that she appeared.
i dreamt of the painting course.
also: i jump 20 meters across giant roofs!
and: i swim! in a deep blue pool at night and into the g. b. r.
i woke up glad!
dream: someone wore j.'s expensive sweater. the colourful one with the irregular horizontal stripes.
i remember my dream, but i am in a bad mood when i wake up.
i am the "slave" of a man. i try to jump out of the window with a (flying) floating tire, but m. holds me back. the man takes me to the pool and has my things searched in the meantime. he finds an elf bar.
i come to see a show by lars' class. it is located in a large warehouse, naive pictures hanging everywhere. the exhibition is great, lars is happy. there's a girl that also has something going on with him. her name is larsina. (loool hahaha) i am jealous, but i try to keep in mind that it has nothing to do with us.
j. from work and i on a bridge. i get the job. he is in love with me.
i have a job interview at the palace and n.'s brown shoes become red and black clown shoes. i look like a punk and try to make quick changes.
pictures of frankfurt/offenbach while falling asleep
7 + 2 = 5
i visit l. in his new shared flat. he sleeps in a chamber without windows. i ask him if he already went outside today. he says yes, but he lies. then i sit on his lap (desk chair) and we fuck.
i work as security at olympia. i stand on a tall wooden bridge and the participants jump on it directly next to me. i am uncomfortable
being in the spot light.
xxsomething with the class.
xx s. wants me to support the "Gebäudeüberschuss" with a stack of drawings, but i don't have nearly enough. she is angry; i ask why
they don't simply add a pillar.
i dream that it's time to wake up
dreamt of favoriten, a station, a construction site and a beautiful view of the mountains.
dreamt that i bake a lot (or less than i used to?). i walk past a showcase together with a woman. there is a square cake on display which contains several benjamin-blümchen cakes and lemon cakes. i think about how to cut and arrage round cakes to get square ones.
had a really bad nightmare.
i killed somebody. or rather helped someone kill somebody. this man was psychologically unstable and violent. (note from 2024:
i cannot recall whether "this man" means the victim or the perpetrator.)
afterwards i act like nothing happened and follow the search for the man secretly for years out of fear of getting
caught myself.
10 years later, i am with m., p. and p. in our living room. they tell me that the case has long been closed. i break down and
confess. p. stays rational while m. is super disappointed.
another dream of this cool pinterest outfit that is available at urban outfitters now.
l. crouched on all fours in front of me and pulled down her pants in l.'s bedroom. l. and another person were there too.
lots of corpses. i have to dispose them (american psycho?) j. (?) is there too. we try to leave the corpses in a caravan, a basement
(ich habe Leichen im Keller!) and in a river. m. is there too, wondering what's going on. the dream takes place on a large wasteland.
i had wild dreams while riding with flixbus. later in bed: i move into a fucked up hallway and find a bottle of alien perfume bottled in an earpod case. it constantly leaks and doesn't smell like the real perfume.
a few days ago i dreamt of being in the ocean. a gigantic steel ark swum in front of me. a lout honk came from it, blending in with the loud sound of the sea. i knew that i would have to face a task that would be difficult to complete.
i dreamt that m. told me about his b. - plans on the phone and asked what c. thought of it. blablabla support
also this reoccurring dream of p. visiting me in v.
i had wild dreams, i. a. of my recent dresscoding-experience.
he pulled out two books from behind his back and handed them to me. they were pink with a hint of purple. the spines were firm, but the surfaces were covered with some kind of foam that makes books soft and memorizes the marks of fingernails digging into it. i might have wanted to try that out, but i didn't. the book covers were decorated with red letters and scribbles. i examined them when suddenly they fell out of my hand and landed on the floor at my feet. i realized that i had only been looking at the backside of the books the whole time. there they were now, and the front would remain hidden from me.
the old man did't move. for a moment, we both stood there as if rooted to the spot. my gaze wandered from my feet to the books, over his body and up to his face. then i looked him in the eye and he looked me in the eye, too. everything went grey and blurry. he took my hand and dragged me to the sofa. it was dark leather. he sat down and i sat down next to him. he didn't let go of my hand, but i couldn't feel his touch, i could only see it. i didn't feel the kiss he placed on my lips either. i couldn't really see his face because i had my eyes closed; it was as if i was standing right in front of the both of us, just watching from the outside.