i wake up at nine in the morning to the sound of trolleys rolling in the courtyard
staring at the end of the world when i stand in front of the exit towards s
your wet kisses on my cheek. i wipe my face with my sleeve
warm Guarana in the summer and i get sick
i blush because i said something real smart in class
press Wawwi's arm on my nose to smell and i suck on my fingers (x xxx)
watching funny youtube vids while i lie in your arms
walk in circles on the laminate floor, listen to music loudly and dream myself into other worlds
watching music videos while drawing on the heavy marble desk that is not mine
my first evening in Leipzig; i am alone at the gas station and think about asking some guys for a lighter (did i?)
in the park with all of you and i have a terrible, terrible mood (sorry grandma)
in the park with all of you, m. goes through my phone secretly, i get into THE trouble of my life
in the park with all of you, p. breaks his arm and has to wear a cast for weeks. i remember him putting a plastic bag over it before showering
we walk side by side in silence through the streets of berlin, everyone lost in their own head
you break up with him in the hotel bathroom while i'm trying to sleep 5 meters away
your birthday in your wg, i cannot hide my sadness about him not coming over
all the beautiful memories of us smoking cigarettes together in your kitchen. the cheap ikea table with the dry, moldy flower bouquet and your grandpa's artwork hanging on the wall. you sitting on the windowsill at any weather. hottest summer days, coldest winter nights. you were always there (and still are, always will be. thank you so much)
i draw naturalistically on my dark blue extendable children's desk and then not again for years
how happily i received the drawing book, easel, boxes of paint and pencils, papers, ...
watch prison break on my iphone 5s and i stretch out on the pastel green couch
i stretch out on the pastel green couch to masturbate, but you come in without knocking on the door
the loud noise of the filter when too much water had evaporated from the aquarium. i'm fighting the nights away until i finally pull the plug
me brutally killing our first two fish BY ACCIDENT, god it was brutal
our other fish project: i come home from school and run to the computer in the cellar to log into free aqua zoo. the sound effects i still vividly remember
you pick me up in front of angebot. i blush and i'm a little tipsy and we quickly go to Südost
you give me a book as a present that i will never read and ask me questions about it that i don't know how to answer
i stand in front of the window and smoke a cigarette. L. yells at me across the courtyard. we cannot meet for we are not allowed to leave our places.
waking up in the middle of the night crying because i suddenly remembered how you kissed me in my sleep and i just turned away in annoyance
sit behind mariannenpark on a bridge (the one you kindly showed me) and read a book about xxxxx
my first tattoo from you, so cold in your apartment, i even put on clammy clothes. the sound of the needle flitching out of my skin
both completely zooded, we let ourselves fall on your bed and NEVER KISS (big mistake. i didn't wanna risk our friendship, now see where we are)
you drop to your knees and make a joke about the Danes. D. doesn't find it funny at all; F. and i almost piss ourselves. (zooded?)
definitely zooded: we sit on the bench in the garden of KBG and ask ourselves who would be who if this was prison break
i am late to piano class because i picked flowers for K. she is angry at me, but i can see that she is sorry for that
dancing to jorja smith in the dark while i'm drunk. i drink more and more until i have to throw up on the toilet (my knees got bruised kneeling on the tiled floor)
my first time throwing up from alcohol; we were at this home party in b. some french exchange student filled me up with vodka russian wild berry. i threw up against the white wall and on the toilet.
trying to get to v. from k. but the train doesn't open the doors and leaves to minutes early. i sit on my luggage and cry (not because of the train but because of you) and a mom comes over to hand me a pack of tissues.
i drive around the street on my bike with my eyes closed (some game i guess?). p. notices and i get in trouble
p. telling me that m. put a piece of his own shit into mr. w.'s letter box. what a legend
this other story of you and your friends provoking this neighbour until he follows you around the street with a golf club
i saw the video of you guys throwing over the FETTTONNE
climbing on the roof of the gym from the playground fence with j. and l. sunset. i can still smell the air. so fresh and clean
i waited outside k.'s house and heard two people fucking. i looked up the windows and saw some guy's face. he noticed me, stopped for a second and then went on while looking directly into my eyes
i work at this annoying sushi place in the city center. we have a smoking room that is nothing more than an extremely stinky cell with a metal door, no windows and a black leathery desk chair. small talk with the boss
the boss: a blonde guy in his mid-thirties who just got a child but could not stop flirting with the unerage colleague. didn't she even get something going with that married chef?
i ate cucumber sushi together with a bottle of warm guarana in my room in our attic apartment at 35 degrees. i was so disgusted that i couldn't eat sushi for months. ironically, this was one day before i started at the sushi place. i ate only edamame there for three to four months
sitting together one evening when my colleague put on sido Nein! and starts singing. another memory of another colleague's boyfriend from Syria telling me that he has to move away from c. because nazis threaten to kill him when he walks through the streets at night.
that one time when my boss came to work on his bike and locked it on the parking rack next to the glass facade of our restaurant. it was midday. at some point, he looked out the window and said "where is my bike?" i remembered having seen a big white truck standing in front of the glass facade. someone had stolen all the racks with probably thirty bikes in the middle of the pedestrian zone.
i am done with work late at night and walk around the block before i go home. lockdown. the animals have taken over the cities again. i see a hedgehog walking around.
another lockdown memory of a deer walking around the streets. did i make that up?
i haven't missed l. at all lately, but instead some other guy. we don't talk on the phone for three days, then i break up. m. picks me up from his place and i put on this modern love by bloc party. m. says that she is not worried about me, but about
this other song that i listened to when i walked home from m.'s place in the morning (on my lg gt350). i'm gonna say it. it was into you by ariana grande.
we were sitting in my house when t. and y. came over. they brought us donuts from billa. since than i've been eating those at least once a week; they are delicious
we walked into this random mcdonald's in the middle of nowhere and only exclusively the HOTTEST people worked behind the counter. i had never seen such hot restaurant staff in my life
our drive home from f. we were waiting for the ferry and looked at the other side of the sea. the water was frozen, the sky was yellow and pink. it was beautiful.
when you said "it would be nice to hang out right now and watch a movie together" (you said it just this one time)
i had just finished raking the sandbox when p. and m. came and destroyed it all. i cried until p. told p. to rake it again.
p. had a friend over that l. and i wanted to play with, but they kept us out of their room. i smudged lipgloss all over the door, but in the end, p. had to clean up that mess. he was pissed at me.
i find the white wine bottle that i had forgotten in the fridge. i put it into a dark blue bucket so that it can safely explode, but it doesn't. i throw it away still.
i move into the apartment without a contract and any clue about how these things work. i get told a few days later that i have to move out again. i am devastated. m., p. and i search for another place together. i find something else very fast but right before i want to sign the contract, i get told that i can stay anyway.
i am zooded in class and not able to say a single word. even my teacher is suspicious.
one hour later: history class, still completely off. we have to work in groups. some guy somehow appears funny and i cannot stop laughing. averyone seems to be embarrased about it.
i sit in the oasis with i. when m. comes in and tells us that she is pregnant. she asks us if she should abort.
someone put his shit into the school's soap dispenser. legend
i sit in a plane to n.y. to travel with m. she is working upstairs but comes down to me all the time to ask me if i'm alright.
i eat a chocolate bun with meat sausage, d. makes fun of me
c. forgets to turn off the cooker before he leaves. i come home and the hot plate is shining orange
two girls steal at l. while i'm working there. they get dragged into the cellar and i hear them cry. one of their dads comes and says "haven't we all been there?" my boss doesn't find it funny at all.
same boss tells be to cover my belly button piercing. i am a bit weirded off because i am only sixteen
same boss comes into the store with an energy drink in his hand every day
i sit in class with my grapefruit bullit energy drink. it is already warm and all the bubbles are gone. it is disgusting; i drink it anyway.
r. and i. make hilarious jokes in class. i. is annoyed by that and grabs a chair at the other end of the room, filling the air with her dark, mean energy
our class trip to manchester: a moldy hostel without functioning toilets. the shower drain is blocked; i have to stand in some strangers' dirty bathing water (of course i get athlete's foot)
youth fire brigade camp: i smoke my first joint with l., t. and that old guy f. l. rolls a filter out of a bravo cover. i cannot feel too much of an effect (i guess i expected more to happen). f. falls asleep in front of the campfire.
night walk in the youth fire brigade camp: we stand in front of the entry to the woods. the only thing that gives a bit of lights are the glow worms flying around. l. and i team up, we are so scared. someone lets a scary mask fall from a tree right in front of us. i start screaming and drag l. down to the floor with me.
i fall asleep in a chinese bistro near h.k. after having harvested rice for the first time in my life.
i buy my first pack of marlboro berry in a 7/11 in h.k.
my first kiss: s. wants to bring f. and l. to kiss and demonstrates with me that it is what friends do. i get the biggest crush on her immediately (i never tell her though).
l. and i walk on the tracks in w. we sit down when d. and l. come by. sunset.
i walk into a kiosk in a metro station in b. the cashier says i am the happiest person he has seen all day and asks what makes me so happy. i tell him that i am simply happy to be here (and not in fucking v.).
f. and i mix a magic potion in o.'s backyard
j. stands next to a windowsill and shows me a weaverknecht that he had just found. he removes all its legs but the body still moves.
l. and i (and j.?) sit down in the carousel when l. and p. come and spin us around. it gets so fast that we are afraid to fall off. my back is blue after.
m., p. and i walk into this weird bead shop because m. wants to buy me a special gift for my school report. i am very happy about the gift but i will never touch it again.
i sit down on a bench near the house when k. comes by. i am not happy to see her because i don't want her to know that i smoke.