the wonderwood project

INTRODUCTION

this is the official beginning of the wonderwood project.

i am currently sitting in my bed with a heavy headache. it is 20:13. i skipped cinema night with j. i told him about the headache.
xxxxxxx, if you are there already i will come, oh, xxxyou will just go home and chill, had to sell cheese at 8 am. i get it.
i am relieved that he is not disappointed.

of course it is not ACTUALLY about the headache, even though that has become quite an issue since i started taking my lizzies every day at 17:07 (snooze / snooze). no.
no, it is about my body who is playing tricks on me, trying to fool me into bleeding for weeks at a time and going down with straight legs and a bent back rather than on my knees, my precious knees, and about
my brain playing tricks on my perception, fooling me into seeing everything that crosses my way through this dark, sticky, ugly ass veil.

i did some 10-minute-meditation on youtube while lying in r. r.'s alexandertechnique-master-position. right after, i grabbed my phone and started scrolling through my notes in the hope to find an answer to something, at least.
of course i couldn't find it (i guess we can all agree that an iphone xs 2020 cannot give you an answer to this special something), but what i found instead was you. and that, i found way more interesting.

WHERE TO START NOW?

honestly, idk either.
i thought the best time to start would be now and the best medium html code - no notebook, no notes app, just raw code to give this weird, impressive figure that i created in my mind over the past years a body.
a body of letters.

it all started when i came to this party at this place. it was the first time i saw you, you were sitting on a sofa with x., making silly jokes i guess.
i had heard so much of you already that i figured you must be a) very weird, b) very nice and c) a very good artist.

parenthesis: i tried to give more explicit details on that evening, but i deleted the text because i realized that it is neither interesting nor important and
would increase the risk of YOU becoming an actual, real person whose identity could be deduced, which is untrue, unnecessary and preventable.

anyway. this party and this one other evening and your crazy shoes. it hit me, but it was a hit without resonance because there was no you in my life to resonate with. it was a calm time.

THE SMELL

the calm time found its end when we actively talked for the first time. i was overwhelmed for several reasons, but it was especially your smell that irritated me. now that i think about it, i can still recall it vividly. more vividly than your face, your voice. the smell was you, it was perfect for you.
i later found out that a lot of people aspired to smell like you. there were times when i could not walk through n. in peace without at least one
man capturing my attention by